Swine flu. Run for my life!
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
