apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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