I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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