Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
