You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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