how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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