I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
BRING THE BAGELS
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
