so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
