I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
