Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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