Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think my vagina is haunted
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
