Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my shit smells like andre
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
