If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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