no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
