Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
