i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
