He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
