Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
