I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
