Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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