That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
