wat bout pragnant strippers??
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dick very happy bro
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
