Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
