all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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