Ketchup is God's man juice
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
