I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
