I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Houston, we have a squirter
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
