u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize