So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
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I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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