I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
