The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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