My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
