so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
