You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
