he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
