Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
