dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
