Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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