The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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