matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
