i don't like sucking hair
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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