I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
