My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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