Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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