I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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