Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
