i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
