so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
