put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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