I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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