I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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