just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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