We won't sleep together?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
