k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
