Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
