Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
