i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
