I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
