I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sext me about skeletons
did i just pee glitter
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
