Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
