I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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