He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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