omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
