I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Bring me that man meat
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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