no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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