I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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