Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
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Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
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