so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
