dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
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Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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