i think i have two assholes
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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