just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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