at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
