I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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